So here you are, sitting all dressed up dripping in that finesse living your best life and someone asks, “But how can someone like you still be single?” I’ve been a victim of this and so many others, so I decided to do some research (all Google of course) and tried to understand this from a Life Coach’s point of view. Here’s what I’ve come up with:
50 years ago, unmarried men or women were seen as strange as this was the ultimate goal, according to society. Why is being single viewed as a bad thing?
There’s a distinct look of pity that you get when you respond no to the inevitable ”have you found someone yet” question. My question is, what do you pity? Are you sad for that person because they chose not to settle for the next available victim also trying to succumb to conventionality? Do you pity them because you think they are unhappy being alone?
Societal shaming of the single person is not decreasing with the modern times, but rather used as a tactic of character assassination. There are so many times when the shaming is even derogatory especially towards woman.
Some of my favourites are:
• She’s expired (plus25)
• She must be crazy if nobody has married her yet
• She’s too career driven, she would never make “wifey” material
• She must be broken or have family issues
• He’s a player he will never settle down
• He’s a mama’s boy
• He’s too broke
What the hell right?
Here’s the thing, being single doesn’t necessarily mean you have an empty life. Sometimes it’s just the card you’ve been dealt with. Timing is everything in life. Nobody came back from dying to tell you that you get another chance so why do we gamble with this life we have now? We are the highest stakeholders in our own life and living by someone else’s pressure, demands or rules is just frightening.
I have seen many people fall in love and have wonderful marriages. Not to say that they aren’t without their own arguments and shortfalls but it’s the willingness to have that open mind to change perspective when needed. To stand your ground but also back down and admit when you’re wrong. It takes two strong willed people to have the ability to not only fall in love but stay in love. If you have one mind that’s not willing to look at the world through your eyes when they are not right, then you have already lost that hand and might as well fold.
Being in a relationship requires unfathomable amounts of effort. Mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Commitment comes more easier to some than to others. Opening your life, mind body and soul to another is no game.
So before you judge single people think about this:
• Sometimes people have been through heartbreak and need time to mend.
• Sometimes people know that relationships may not be for them and that’s ok. They could have had their own childhood trauma or hidden fear that they aren’t ready to explain so let them be.
• Timing. We are in the age of instant gratification. We want what we want and we want it now, not so? Trust that each person has their own timeline and it may not be as orthodox as the norm but it doesn’t make it less than.
• People are busy self-actualizing. They are taking the time to introspect and get to know the core of who they are before they try and get to know another person. Did you introspect before your relationship?
• Some people simply want t get their life in order before they tackle a full on relationship. This could be in any aspect of life.
• Some people are happy alone. Thats all.
The point that I am trying to make is let people be. Whether they are in a relationship at 14 or 40 ,leave them alone. Only you know how you feel and what makes you happy so where do you get off trying to pick on someone else’s version of their happiness?
To all the single people out there, think about this:
Take your time to know who YOU are
Be sure you are truly ready for a relationship and are not succumbing to pressure
Be clear on who and what you want
DO NOT SETTLE
We have one shot at this thing called life, make it count!