There has to be something more to this trend of “side-chicks, friends with benefits, main squeeze” all terms used to describe short-term non-committal relationships. To put it in terms of modern day social culture, we are living in the times of the “Situationship”. A situationship is a pseudo-relationship. There is no label to this type of companionship or lack thereof. The benefits are similar though, the comfort, easy conversation, sex on the regular and just the enjoyment of having your booty call on speed dial. Why is this trend on the rise? What happened to old-fashioned courtship? Simply put…No rules, no regulations, no boundaries, NO COMMITMENT. Ahhh… the easy life. We are a generation of one-night stands and one-year leases, inventing as many versions of life as we have social media accounts.
Yet years ago, such behavioural tactics were taboo. Societal and religious beliefs had everyone conforming to the norm of marriage. Ironic to see how far we have come, that in the year 2017, we are so nonchalant about the booming divorce rates, normality of cheating, the increase in single parenthood and the encouragement if not acceptance of promiscuity. There has to be a reason or better yet the driver for this behaviour. Are the youth of today growing repulsive to commitment and the older generation now regretting their preceding choices?
Could you be commitment phobic…? Let’s find out! I narrowed down a few possible reasons why one may avoid the C word…see how you relate.
- Vulnerability – Being vulnerable is uncomfortable. You have to allow yourself to be emotionally exposed, and out of your comfort zone. Having to bare your soul leaves you crippled with the fact that once your truth has been told, you are open to judgement and scrutiny. Possibly leading to an opportunity for you to be rejected or worse made to feel unworthy. Psychologist Geraldine Piorkowski says we fear having our deepest desires trampled on, rejected or unfulfilled.
However, although being vulnerable is uncomfortable, it is still okay. It is an adjustment and process of growth. Vulnerability allows room for intimacy and trust. Allowing yourself to be so strongly connected to someone can even lead to becoming more confident in yourself. Honesty is sexy. Knowing that you and your partner are sharing intimate aspects of your lives together almost makes you feel like you might as well be living in your own world. The attraction amplifies when you allow yourself to be trusting and vulnerable.
- Independence – Relationships are about compromise. Everybody has his or her own sense of independence, which they may fear to lose. Some people are more stagnant in their ways. So choosing to be in a relationship that has you dividing your time from “me time” to “our time”, from having a care-free do whatever you want weekend to basically scheduling what you would do, is enough to scare of any highly independent person. Your energy can wear thin here as well. The thought of losing yourself in the relationship and going from being an individual to a couple scares you into the single life or the situationship cycle.
It is normal if you are self-protective, and scared to death, but nobody can ever take away your individuality or force you to give up a part of your life without you utmost consent. This is the time to ask yourself, are you afraid of losing your identity or consuming that of another’s because you actually do not know yourself properly? Have you taken the time to get to know you before you can even begin to know another? If you are confident and in love with you, someone else can be too.
- Prior heartache – Experience is always said to be enlightening, however sometimes we simply wish we had never experienced what we did or how we felt. The aftermath of a heartbreak, no matter how long or intense the relationship may have been, may always strike an emotion. Unfortunately, this emotion is generally negative bordering on hatred. Once a love so deep is experienced, and then taken away, bitterness and resentment follow. Your natural instinct thereafter is to protect yourself. You vow to never allow yourself to be subject to that experience again. Basically robbing yourself of any future possibility of happiness.
Letting go, dealing with the gut wrenching emotions and simply staring those demons head on are your only way to break through the break up. Acknowledge them, accept them and move on. Depriving yourself of one of the best experiences this life has to offer you is a sin to yourself. Forgive your person and forgive yourself.
Love relentlessly and recklessly and throw all the chips in. You will never be able to control or depict your love relationship, but that is the beauty of it.
In light of this topic being so close to home, and the fact that I could go on forever, I have decided to make this a two part article, so stay tuned for more… enjoy and feel free to comment as you wish 😉
<TO BE CONTINUED>