In a society that has almost the same amount of divorces in a year as marriages, can marriage the second time around be a good thing?
Growing up, I believed in the institution of marriage. The union of two people bound in matrimony for the rest of their lives together. I was aware of divorce but always had some sort of judgement toward it. As I write this today, my judgement falls away. By taking the time to understand and be knowledgeable about the complexities that both marriage and divorce entail, I have gained insight.
We are never guaranteed an outcome in life, but we play the odds hoping they work out in our favour. When two people are blessed to fall in love and take the leap of faith to be married, they seldom factor in divorce as a possible outcome, naturally. However when people marry out of circumstances, pressure or just blindly, this becomes their fate.
No matter how amicable an uncoupling may be, parting ways from one’s spouse is, more often than not devastatingly painful. Every avenue of one’s life is challenged: romance, finances, children and the future.
The question I posed to divorcees while doing my research was simply, why? Why did it not work or and was there a chance you knew it might not?
Here are some of the responses:
• We grew apart
• We were too young and didn’t know how married life would change us
• It was the obvious next step
• We had a baby on the way
What I gathered from my conversations with these people is simply that, life happens! When two become one, you forget who you are as an individual. Introspection becomes a luxury that you have no time for. The one that stood out the most for me was “we grew apart”. As you grow, learn and experience, you change. Your mindset changes. The idea of how you want your time on this earth to be spent, changes. And that’s ok. Some say the real happiness after divorce is not about what you left behind, but what you may find: strength, passion, self awareness.
Becoming aware of yourself and understanding what you need to do in life to make sure you are ok is one of the hardest but most rewarding journeys you could possibly embark on. It’s taking the time to ensure that you are true to yourself and are always thriving to become the best version of you.
I am not advocating divorce or downplaying the act of marriage I am simply trying to dissolve the judgement and negative connotations associated with divorce. Sometimes people need to experience the joy and pain to truly be ready for what lies ahead for them.
Here are a few benefits for those getting or post divorced:
• You get to rediscover YOU
• You will be happier and healthier than if you stayed in an unhappy marriage
• More ME time
• You can take the time to discover what your expectations and desires are for your next relationship
• You get a fresh start
As daunting as it may be, the challenge lies within you, to determine what you will do with your life post marriage.
The only thing I want to leave you with today is this: Be mindful. Be mindful of yourself, of couples that are struggling to hold on. Of couples deciding to take the leap and separate as a means to a fresh start. We never really know what someone else is going through. We haven’t walked in their shoes. Take the time to understand someone’s story before you judge.